Farty Bean Soup

This girly-poo is sort of kind of a little bit on a diet. Not really a diet. But sort of. I'm all about accepting your beautiful body (it is! Yours! Yes you! Are beautiful!), but I also know when I'm not eating healthily: I get grumpy and uncomfortable, and then I know it's time to make a change.

See, I go through phases when I start letting myself eat a LOT of sugar and gluten and fat, which causes a couple of things:

a) Lots of sugar = I get really, really addicted. Seriously. They say cannabis is a gateway drug but it doesn't have shit on sugar. I start to feel like I need something sweet after every meal, and I reach for Go Max Go bars and cupcakes all the time instead of once in a while. I'm all about sugar every once in a while, but sometimes I need to take a break. I know when that is, because I start feeling really bitchy and cranky if I don't get sugar. If I snap at my roommates because there's no cookies in the house, that's a sign.

b) Lots of fat upsets my tummy. No bueno.

c) Lots of gluten upsets my tummy. I've cut my gluten consumption probably to more than half of what it used to be (I was all gluten, all the time for a while...pasta, bagels and toast, oh my!), but I've got a sensitivity, and when you combine the aforementioned cupcake-grabbin' with other gluten-y things, my digestive system gets all backed up and I get stomach cramps and bloating (OMG TMI WHAT WHAT you know you love it when I over-share).

ANYHOODLES.

So last night I made a mostly fat free soup full of veggies and beans and things that are yummy yet do not taste like bland diet shite. For my birthday, I got a bag of "16 Bean Soup Mix", which was basically a pound of a LOT of dried beans (see picture). I didn't know what the fuck else to do with a crazy bean mix like that, so we made soup. It was so good that I thought I'd share the recipe, even though it was mostly a "clean out the fridge" adventure and you can tweak it any way you like, it's a great way to use up odds and ends from your CSA box. It's only got just a tiny bit of added fat, which you can totally leave out if you want. If you don't use wine in cooking, sub more veggie broth.

It tastes very spring-y with the asparagus, peas, and green garlic!



Farty Bean Soup - beware the farts!

1 bag 16 Bean Soup Mix (1 lb) - soaked, cooked, and drained - do this ahead of time

Non-stick olive oil cooking spray
1 carrot, diced
1 yellow onion, diced
4 cloves garlic, minced
1 bulb green garlic, sliced into thin rounds
A cup or two of cremini mushrooms, quartered or sliced
1/4 lb asparagus, cut into 1" chunks
1/3 cup peas, fresh or frozen
1/2 cup of red wine (feel free to drink more during cooking!)
5-ish sprigs of fresh thyme, chopped, about 2 Tbsp
2 sprigs of fresh rosemary, chopped, about 1 Tbsp
A healthy dash of salt and pepper
A healthy dash of 21 Seasoning Salute (wtf?) or Italian Spice Mix or whatever the fuck ever you want, it's spices, you know what you like
1 large bay leaf
2 medium or 4 small yukon gold potatoes, diced
1 cup pearl barley
1 6 oz can tomato paste
3 Tbsp of soy sauce
4 cups of veggie broth (I used homemade, so I salted the soup a bit more than usual)
+ 4 cups of water
Salt/pepper to taste
Parma or nooch to garnish, optional

Lightly spray a 4 qt (MINIMUM! THIS MAKES A LOT OF SOUP! I used my 6 qt dutch oven) pot with a thing coating of olive oil and heat over medium heat.

Add onions and carrots and saute until onions are soft and translucent (5 minutes or so). If stuff starts sticking, add splashes of veggie broth to unstick it.

Add garlic and green garlic and saute for another minute.

Add mushrooms, asparagus, peas, red wine, herbs, whatever spices you end up using, and the bay leaf, and saute for another 5 minutes, until mushrooms are nice and moist.

Add the potatoes and pearl barley, mix them in, and then add the tomato paste, soy sauce, veggie broth, and water. Mix everything together well and bring to a boil.

Once it's boiling, lower the heat to a simmer, cover leaving a little crack for ventilation, and cook for 40 minutes or until potatoes are softish and pearl barley is cooked (a little chewy/soft but not hard or gritty), stirring occasionally.

Dump in the beans (yes, all of them), stir everything about, and let simmer for 5-10 minutes, until beans are heated through. Salt and pepper to taste.

Top with parma or nooch or hot sauce and have at it. I usually don't go back for seconds, but I did last night, and I'm eating this shit again for lunch today. If you don't like it, I do not guarantee you your money back, but I will be sad for you.